I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Pants are for mortals
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
