Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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