woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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