I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
