it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
