I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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