kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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