Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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