My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
