did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
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The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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