Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
