considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
