I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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