I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
