i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
