On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
