If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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