He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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