He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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