Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
