you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
