She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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