i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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