Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
