You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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