He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
