Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
