Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
