Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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