she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
