I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
