If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
