Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
