I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
