I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am one with the molecules
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
