dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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