so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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