I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
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Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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