I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
