Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
