She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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