shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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