Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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