ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
