I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
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I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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