She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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