So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The power of my boobs compel you
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
