I wanna bring you to show and tell
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
