I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
