Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
its liver damage thursday
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