once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
