no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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