I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
