I want to have your abortion
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
