We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
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I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
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I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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