Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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