There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
