I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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