i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
