You just made me feel so damn special
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
