sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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