i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
