making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
