She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
