I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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