I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
is wine microwaveable?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
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i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
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Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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