I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
