Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
