Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
