Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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