How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
