I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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