wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
