normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
